THE INTRICACIES OF INSECURITY

 

#1: Insecurities Will Not Secure Themselves

Governing a human mind inevitably produces the experience of our mind sometimes having… a mind of its own. That is to say that human minds love to play the role of commentator and critic. From a practical perspective, this inner commentator can be somewhat helpful when it comes to interpreting and navigating the world. But it becomes severely unhelpful when it turns around and cynically attacks us for whatever missteps or shortcomings we’re experiencing. When our mind negatively blabs to us about us, it can be difficult to ignore. And if we haven’t yet developed the skills to quiet the mind when it goes off, we’ll begin to believe its damaging propaganda. This, of course, leads to the fertilization of a vast inner garden of insecurities. Once these insecurities take root, our first impulse can be to hide them from the world and even from ourselves. They aren’t pretty, so we don’t typically want to look at them, much less have anyone else see them. Yet we cannot heal insecurities that we refuse to confront. And despite our attempts to bury them in the graveyard of our subconscious, they’ll always pop up in zombielike fashion at the most inopportune times. When that happens, we have to scramble - with White House Press Secretary agility - to spin, defend, or creatively explain whatever wayward actions or words our insecurity has caused us to display.

Confronting and reconciling our insecurities is a hugely beneficial process that unfolds over a lifetime. Making peace with that ongoing process is a key factor in enabling its progress. Onboard our soul’s flight through eternity, we all have emotional and psychological baggage to handle - most of which is unseen by others. But it makes our journey much less difficult if we don’t compound our insecurities by attempting to ignore them. And though they may seem like inner locks to which we don’t have the keys, when we focus on them - one by one - with the intent to grow past them, we’ll inevitably find that those locks will open.

#2: Insecurities Love Company

Inseparable from the inner thunder of insecurity is the emotional lightning of self-disapproval. One inevitably leads to the other, and together they form within us a stormy atmosphere that ultimately cannot be contained. Like an electric arc, your self-disapproval will connect to another person’s self-disapproval creating a subconscious circuit of negativity between you. This circuit will then discharge in one of two ways: as an energy-draining, woe-is-me pity party of commiseration, or as a fight with aggressive attacks of criticism and psychological projection. To break this unpleasant circuit, you must silence your own inner critic. Once you do that, the juice for your negativity is turned off, and there’s no longer a power source for your insecurities; nor is there a conduit to harmfully connect to someone else’s insecurities. It’s important to note that honest self-observation is the baby that shouldn’t be thrown out with your harsh, self-critic bathwater. The presence of self-judgment is how you tell the difference between critiques that damage your self-esteem, and gentle, helpful self-observations. When your judgy critic does show up, it can help to take a few deep breaths, and then recast that harsh inner voice as an outer voice… as if someone else were speaking to you. If you see that there’s a nugget of truth within that criticism, you can respond to it with a simple, “Yes, that’s something I’m working on.” Or, if you see that your inner critic’s voice is just baseless negativity, you can respond to it with, “Thanks for your opinion, but let’s agree to disagree.”

#3: Insecurities Crave Approval

When we harbor insecurity, it eventually becomes the equivalent of a black hole. It has an insatiable appetite, and it’s primarily interested in one food source: approval. Since it’s not getting that from us, it will ferociously seek it from others. But this is a recipe for constant disappointment because our insecurities have now put the fate of our happiness and validation in others’ hands. True validation can only come from approving of ourselves while giving the world permission to not approve of us. In doing so, we will experience the joy of freedom which automatically comes from decoupling our self-worth from our reputation. Again, this is a lifelong endeavor that involves a lot of soul-searching and introspection. The alternative to doing that work, though, is to risk losing ourselves while frantically managing an image that will win the approval of others.

Remember this… You are and always have been the only thing you’ve ever really needed to be: a soul who has come to this time and place to learn and grow in the best way they know how. And whether you’re conscious of it or not, you are incredibly courageous for simply showing up in this life. That truth is the core of who you are and what defines you. Once you truly realize this about yourself, there is no failure, mistake, embarrassment, humiliation, or criticism that can ever make you feel insecure again.

 

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