THE DELUSION OF DEFICIENCY

 

#1:  Beware the Urge to Compare

Arriving on planet Earth as a new human is a very disorienting experience. Not only are we trying to figure out how this place works, we’re also trying to figure out who we are and our place in it. Noticing differences between things and people is key to our exploration - the world wouldn’t exist without one thing being relative to another. But comparing ourselves to our fellow humans can morph into an unhealthy ranking exercise. Sure, we can aspire to be more like someone we admire… and working to develop ourselves via that inspiration isn’t a problem. The problem is when we become insecure from wanting something we don’t have and deciding we’re less of a person because we don’t have it. That’s where terms like, “better than me,” “smarter than me,” and “out of my league,” come from. When these thoughts are allowed to thrive, we begin to live in a default mode of obsessive comparison and relentless self-judgment… a toxic combination.

To keep ourselves from falling into this self-perceived deficiency, we need to accept and celebrate the uniqueness of who we are in this moment. It’s only from there that we can authentically grow into who we’d like to become. We weren’t built on an assembly line. Each of us has been crafted in a way that has never existed before and will never exist again. Even the common snowflake has this distinction, so we certainly have it too. You are not here by accident, and neither you nor anyone you know is lacking what you need to benefit from this world and for this world to benefit from you.

#2:  You Are Incomparable

Entering the vortex of “compare-judge-rank-repeat” is a rite of passage for pretty much everyone. When we’re in that comparative mental cycle, that fosters negative self-esteem, it’s helpful to notice that our best traits don’t disappear; they just temporarily become invisible to us. Once our inner storm of self-judgment settles, we can see hope on the horizon once again. The question is how to stay ahead of that storm to avoid it overtaking us in the first place.

In ancient Indian culture, the Sanskrit word “Lila” is a metaphor that translates into “divine joyful play.” Of course, as in any play, no two roles can be the same, and the souls who fill those roles take on temporary identities. This ancient metaphor was meant to teach us that we are not our roles. We’re all actors in a grand production that exists for our mutual benefit. The variety of plays and the roles within those plays are never-ending and stretch to eternity. But we can become so immersed in our temporary roles that we forget who we really are and why we chose to be in a particular play (or lifetime). To compound this theatrical delusion, many lose sight of the truth that no single role is better than any other role. For example, if all the garbage collecting sanitation crews quit, and all the A-list megastar actors walked off their jobs, which of those two strikes would affect your life more? How about all the farmers and farm hands vs. all the politicians not showing up for work? The point is, you can’t compare your value or the value of what you do to anyone else. Everyone is part of this world, and however big and influential or small and local your corner of the world is, it absolutely needs you.

#3:  Passion Is Your Pathfinder

Every one of us was born with a divine spark. This spark is our compass. It points the way to a unique path of happiness and fulfillment that resonates with our soul. The language in which this inner spark speaks to us is the language of passion. For largely unknown reasons, we each have likes and dislikes about most things - from food to professions… fashion to architecture… movies to hobbies… we gravitate to what stokes our passions. We’re inspired, excited, and motivated by these inner forces that we can’t really explain. But what’s easy to explain and see is that the more we follow the force of our life passions, the happier, more effective, and more fulfilled we tend to be. Too often, we filter our passions through the judgments and expectations of others. Yielding to their preferences, we allow them, in a sense, to live our lives for us. It shouldn’t be a surprise, then, when we allow this to happen, that we feel strangled by feelings of deficiency. This is because, when we disregard our passion, we choose deficiency. Thankfully, that brand of deficiency is also a delusion. No matter how much we try to bury our passion and snuff out that inner spark, it cannot be extinguished and will always live within us. Every day that it’s not chosen, however faint its voice, your spark will repeatedly and annoyingly ask you if this is the day you’ll let it shine by choosing to act on it.

It takes courage to make that choice and take that leap. Your divine spark will sometimes suggest a course that seems risky and uncharted. But engaging the uncharted parts of yourself leads to wondrous, untold treasures you’d never find in the safe harbor of what you’ve always known.

 

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