THE HALLUCINATION OF LONELINESS

 

#1:  Loneliness Starts and Ends Within

It’s impossible to be alone on this planet. We are literally surrounded by life… from the countless microbes living on every surface, to the plant and animal life inhabiting every environment, and of course, to other humans in all corners of the globe. Whether you’re in harmony with this life - be it the microbes within you or the people around you - is largely determined by your choices. But rest assured, at all times you are intricately connected to life, and you couldn’t sever that connection if you tried. There are, however, many people who experience loneliness because of a fundamentally mistaken perspective that they’re cut off from the world. This leads to a hallucination of isolation, which typically results in depression and loss of hope.

In life, however, your thoughts are the genesis behind how you experience reality. As long as your thoughts are of the self-centered, “Why isn’t anyone paying attention to me?” variety, your world will continue to look like a lonely place. This viewpoint, originating in your mind, creates your loneliness experience. The missing piece here is that reality is what you make of it. And the way to experience something different in your present reality is to change your thinking about it.

#2:  Don’t Take Common Connections for Granted

If we just paid more attention, we’d be astounded to see how connected we really are. Physically, we’re all made of the same stuff, which comes from the same place - Mother Earth. That stuff is in a constant state of acting and reacting … joining and separating… taking and giving. Plants, for example, expel what we need to breathe, and we expel what they need to breathe. When you sit in the shade of a tree or take time to smell a rose, there’s a deep, primal part of you that recognizes this symbiosis and is nourished by it. And when you see animals in the wild or look deeply into your own dog’s or cat’s eyes - if you’re paying attention - you’ll feel an instant connection.

Beyond plants and animals, we’re also “planet-mates” with billions of humans. That’s billions of souls with whom you share so much in common - the awkwardness of puberty, the responsibilities of being an adult, contemplating life and death, and falling in love. From a connection compatibility standpoint, just by sharing life together in this world, you are a “match” for virtually everyone. But it’s not just the fact that we share so many experiences in common that connects us; it’s the fact that it takes all of us working together to make life function in our human community. Countless different people, all with unique talents and interests, integrate into a tapestry of life that serves itself by serving the whole. Granted, our current version of that tapestry is far from perfect; but hopefully, we’ll continue to evolve toward greater compassion and greater generosity. Despite its imperfections, though, humanity is a family to which we all belong.

#3:  It Doesn’t Take Much to Create Connections

As we’ve established, loneliness is an inner labyrinth. To find your way out of it, it helps to turn your attention outward. Give to others what you want to receive. Ask yourself - right now - if you know anyone who might be feeling lonely. Then, do something simple to connect with them. This could be a brief text to just say hi, or perhaps putting their birthday on your calendar as a reminder to reach out to them that day. But don’t stop at the people you know; smile at strangers… hold doors open for people… let others into traffic when you can… and wave thanks at those who let you in. Each of these is a point of connection that grounds you in the truth that you are not alone. And the more you do these kinds of things, the more your focus will be outward and expansive instead of inward and isolating. With this simple approach of placing higher value on human interaction, your relationships will blossom, and loneliness will fade.

Your personal world is a far greater network of connections than you realize, and there’s relatively little effort that needs to be spent to engage it. So many people - including those you haven’t met yet - can benefit from even a momentary interaction with you. And you can benefit from your interactions with them. It’s the small things we do for each other that keep darkness at bay, enrich our lives, and make the world kinder. Everyone has something heartfelt to give and something heartwarming to receive. This exchange feeds our collective souls and makes life worth living.

Life is much bigger than you think it is, and you only know a small part of it. If you truly open yourself to this world with the intention of connecting to it, kinship of all kinds will come rushing in, and whatever loneliness you’ve experienced will become a distant memory.

 

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