DRAMA: FINDING THE HIGH GROUND

 

#1:  Rise Above Drama

During a hurricane a few years ago, I had the unsettling experience of watching a nearby lake overflow its shores and creep up my driveway. Once it reached my front steps, the water then flowed around the house and into the backyard, turning my home into a virtual island. Although I could see fish happily exploring my yard, I was fortunate because my house was built on a slight knoll, giving it just enough high ground to stay dry. This hurricane story is a useful metaphor that can be applied to our interpersonal dramas. As humans living among other humans, we’re all veterans of the difficult emotions and exhausting interactions that come with drama. Insensitive agendas, hypersensitive feelings, negative assumptions, and fear-based anger are the primary drivers that make egos clash and sparks fly. There’s an element to this, however, that’s part of personal growth. This growth can happen when we recognize that we can’t stop the floodwaters of drama; we can only control whether they reach us internally, and in many cases, externally. Building your metaphorical house above drama’s floodplain requires that you remain vigilant of three things: First, evaluate your personal agendas to determine if they’re adversely affecting others, and if they are, see if you can adjust them; second, notice when you’re taking things personally or making negative assumptions, and try instead to stay as objective and optimistic as you can; and third, observe when your fear is fueling your anger, and then manage that fear by facing it instead of compounding it by attempting to ignore it. These three “locks,” if you will, enable you to slow the flow of drama while elevating your state of mind.

Drama wants your participation - it wants you to react. And the more negative and angrier it can get you to react, the more it can thrive. When you’re able to quiet your upset mind and genuinely open yourself to a different perspective, you’ll realize a counterintuitive truth: Sometimes drama with others is a necessary teacher, and the drama we go through is often an opportunity to grow beyond it. Reframing dramatic interactions in this way will help you avoid two mistakes that many people make when dealing with drama: running from it and/or trying to manipulate it. If you’re running from drama, you’re running to inherently lower ground, and drama will absolutely find you. If you’re trying to manipulate a drama-filled situation, your manipulation will usually backfire, drawing you deeper into drama. The most effective tactic to be a light for others amid their drama storms is to simply do your best to be calm and compassionate.

#2:  Seek Shelter Within

When you center yourself and remain composed while people around you are being dramatic, you instantly become part of the solution. You also become a place of shelter for those being thrashed around by their own reactivity. In the midst of their turmoil, they’ll be drawn to your peaceful presence if for no other reason than it’s starkly different from the swirling chaos surrounding them. Your choice to remain calm by not jumping to or endorsing their negative conclusions creates an atmosphere of grounded clarity that can be infectious. This isn’t about trying to convince someone to think or do X or Y; it’s about inviting them to approach their circumstance from a more positive, less emotional, and oftentimes less selfish perspective. In short, you’re welcoming them into your drama shelter and showing them how to find their own shelter within themselves.

Be cautious, though, because drama’s floodwaters are persistent. While helping someone else - especially someone close to you - it’s likely they will say or do something that may throw you off-center and feed your inner fears. But if you can steady yourself with the principle that drama is frequently an important part of growth, and if you can muster the humility to admit that you don’t know what’s best for all involved, you’ll regain your center and keep your head above the flood. When and if you feel yourself slipping back into drama’s torrent, a helpful affirmation to get you through it is: “I am here… to help those who are gripped by fear… regain their peace of mind.”

#3:  Make Drama Your Mentor

This may sound a little strange, but it’s important to get the most out of our dramas. Think of life’s dramas as spotlights that focus themselves onto things that need to be changed or improved. If everything was as good as it could get, and we were all as wise and enlightened as we could be, drama wouldn’t exist. As a society and as individuals, whether we realize it or not, our collective intention is to walk a path of higher evolution toward greater happiness. But to advance on that path, self-honesty is mission-critical. Without blaming others, when we’re honest about our part in how we got ourselves into drama, it gives us the power to change. And with that change comes the capability to avoid so much stress and unpleasantness in life. Drama isn’t a phenomenon that happens to us; it’s a force that happens for us. The discomfort we feel in the throes of drama motivates us to adjust our thoughts and our actions so we can rise above drama… above the limiting perspective of victim and villain… above the false nobility of constant struggle… and above the negative reactivity that’s driven by an insecure need for validation.

 

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